Remembering those First Moments as a Junior #Doctor #hcsm

It's a long time ago but in many respects that first shift is still fresh in my memory and it all came flooding back when I read this great piece by Deepak Chopra: My First Job: My Dark Night As A Real Doctor

He recounts his first night on call having arrived in to work in a 400 bed community hospital in New Jersey in the 1970's and his first patient - "an expiration"

I cast my mind back to Friday 1st August 1986 and my first day - the Friday was significant as I discovered, marking the beginning of a weekend on call that commenced on Friday at 9am and finished at 5pm on Monday 4th August - yes that 80 hours! I don't think I quite understood what that meant but I sure did by the end.

I was partnered with my medical school friend and colleague Niamh Anson part of my graduating class from the Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine. We were set to spend the next 6 months joined at the hip spending more time with each other than some married couples spend together. We would be each others support, backup, confidant and friend. I was lucky - she was the perfect balance to my brash youth and over confidence. She was a steady hand guiding through what were some very rough seas and although I did not know it at the time I was really lucky to be her partner offering me the chance to get to know her.

We worked for two consultants - Dr Woodgate and Dr Willoughby a cardiologist and a gastroenterologist and were joined by a dynamic registrar John Lee. Between us we took care of the cardiology patients, coronary care ward, coronary care monitoring unit and the gastroenterology patients day to day.  But come Friday afternoon took on medical responsibility for all medial patients, medical admissions through the Accident and Emergency Department (A&E aka as the ED) and the Intensive Care Unit. On top of that we (Niamh, John and I) were the code team - with the anesthetist (aka Gasman or Anesthesiologist) as the 4th member. I don't remember how many patients this covered but it was a lot.

Our first day was filled with taking on responsibility for the day to day activities finding out how to get things done, where things were kept and most importantly getting to know the nurses who were the key to surviving the ordeal since they knew everything, had worked there for far longer than you (and many others) and had more relevant experience that you needed to learn from. I was reminded of the "Doctor in the House" film with Sir Lancelot Spratt from years back:

To be a successful surgeon you need the eye of a hawk, heart of a lion and the hands of a lady

And while I don't remember all the nurses by name I remember all their kindness, support and actions that helped me survive the grueling assault course of medicine.

At 5pm we knew the patient load had changed as our "beepers" (aka pagers) started sounding like a cardiac monitor going off so frequently. There were missing orders for pain medication, tissued drips (a drip that was no longer working and needing to be re-done), admissions in the emergency department, patents with abnormal rhythms on the coronary care intensive unit, blood gases needing taken in ICU.....

Division of labor and unofficial coordination became the order of the day as Niamh and I split the work taking on admissions and ward coverage. I remember during that period working out my rate of pay based on the number of hours I did per week (typically 136 hours per week) and thinking that while I understood that I was inexperienced I felt worth a little more than the £1.36 per hour (roughly $2.20 per hour) given that I recall all the critical clinical decisions we made, the CPR we performed, the relatives we had to speak to give them the sad news that their spouse had died.

By Saturday afternoon we had been on call for 36 hours and there seemed no let up in activity. The nights were sometimes quieter but that was rarity. As a means of coping we split the night with either Niamh or I taking all the calls after midnight (except in the case of a code when it was all hands on deck necessary to cope with the high work load in these events). In one memorable night I remember 23 admissions coming through the emergency department - if I saw my bed it was never for more than a few minutes. The nurses were all familiar with the work load adn they knew when they paged us that even if we answered and said we were coming they would oftentimes have to page us a second and third time as we would answer but then fall immediately back to sleep. As for our performance and efficiency - I hesitate to imagine how poor we were at tasks and what our decision making would look like if it were assessed. The good news was that there were many experienced nurses involved who did not work the same hours so were not suffering the same chronic sleep deprivation and were checking up on our orders and activities, prompting and intervening as necessary to prevent errors

By Monday morning we were all frazzled - I'd lost count of the patients and problems we had dealt with, the patients who had died, the admissions and therapies started and the slew of clinical problems and disasters we had averted. We stopped taking call but our day did not finish then and for us Monday was a regular working day dealign with the normal work load of admissions, award rounds treatments and patient management. It was only at 5pm on Monday evening we finally stopped work and handed our patient cover over to the new on call team.

There was some solace in the genuine feeling that you were making the difference in people's lives but much like Deepak Choopra I struggled with what I was actually delivering - was this really healthcare

In the end, after six years of studying, medicine was turning out to have too little to do with healing and making people happy. It had to do instead with my work in the hospital, into their lives, pronouncing a few of them, the most unlucky ones, as expirations. I thought about myself a lot before I forced myself to sleep, but, on reflection, I didn't think about my patients much. We had all met and parted in a few moments. It would have been hard to look at them directly. 

What of the interaction as defined by Hippocrates

Even though a patient may be aware that his condition is perilous, he may yet recover because he has faith in the goodness of his physician...I will keep pure and holy both my life and my art.

I did not have a good feeling about the interactions - the fleeting exchanges with these people who were trusting me with their lives and the lives of their family. And as technology and innovation continued its march the reality of the practice of medicine changed

Practicing medicine as we do now makes a doctor's life as nerve-racking as a soldier's. It consists of an endless struggle to conquer disease, and to keep at this, a doctor must deny to himself that disease, and to keep at this, a doctor must deny to himself that disease ultimately wins. If you feel called to practice medicine, these are not the kinds of thoughts you permit yourself. But doctors do face up to them from time to time and wonder what the work is for

I had some great experiences - I had some awful ones and I continue to be part of what I consider an honorable profession and one I am privileged to be a contributing member . In fact on a recent flight there was a request for a doctor - a lady suffering an attack of pancreatitis but fortunately we were not far from our destination and my contribution was small and mostly not medical in nature helping to control and comfort for the short period of time till we arrived and then hand the patient on to the ground emergency medical staff. That transition proved to be sub-optimal and it was well over an hour before she was taken care of - I stayed of course, wanting to be sure that her care was transferred to the healthcare team on the ground. The following day I received a note from one of the flight attendants that made my day. She had searched for my name and found me and sent a note to the Nuance Web site thanking me for my assistance and complimenting me for my "display of genuine heart". My contribution was not so much medical although that had played a part in the diagnosis, assessment and review of treatment options and the course of action. But what had made the difference was compassion - the focus on the person (and in this case there were two people and I ended up helping her companion navigate London Heathrow airport late at night to get her out to the accommodation they had booked). I had never doubted what I would do and was upset for this lady and her companion who's holiday was not starting off well. This is why I did medicine - I wanted to be the contributor, the person caring for the patient. It is this fundamental aspect of medicine we seem to be loosing site of - I can certainly accept some blame - I have a keen eye towards technology and possibilities it offers - but at its hearts medicine is about people caring for people and providing the support that in many cases is the difference between a good or bad outcome (at least perceived by the patient anyway). In fact I tweeted something along these lines earlier this week:

People forget what you said and what you did but they remember how you made them feel
— Nick van Terheyden (@drnic1) November 4, 2013

People forget what you said and what you did but they remember how you made them feel

As Deepak Choopra quotes:

Rejoice at your inner powers, for they are the makers of wholeness and holiness in you,

Rejoice at seeing the light of day, for seeing makes truth and beauty possible. 

and he ends with

a physician must trust in Nature and be happy in himself

As a guding light that works for me - hope it works for you too

Running out of Time

All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking
Friedrich Nietzsche

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend
Albert Camus

I met Regina Holliday a while back at one of the many conferences that she attends:

At this conference she was there to present and was also creating a painting. Her reputation had preceded her and I was excited to meet her in person and hear her story first hand. I had seen some jackets at conferences and had discovered the story behind the Walking Gallery. An idea that came from a tragic story in a healthcare system that is broken











Back in 2011 a video was made featuring many from the gallery filmed at the Kaiser Permanente Total Health Center:


The Walking Gallery from Eidolon Films on Vimeo.

You can see her presentation on Slideshare here:

But there is nothing that could match the power of hearing this in person.

Regina offered to paint my story and it was months before I could pull together some photographs and sit down to articulate my personal journey in healthcare but that all came together a few weeks ago, almost in time for another walking gallery gathering. With so much going on Regina knew what she was going to paint but had not (as the picture shows)

 managed to download it quite yet

My journey to medical school and joining an honorable and privileged profession started when I was still at school and I remember the seminal moment that made me realize this was the pathway I wanted to take:

I was visiting my older brother in London we exited from Victoria rail station just as somebody had been run over by a bus. I watched as my brother pushed his way to the front of the crowd and he stooped own while very one watched - he was a doctor and knew what to do. As I stood on the sidelines watching I realized that I want to be doing rather than watching

I was a very young medical student and while I enjoyed medical school there was no doubting the fact that I was dealing with something that was really quite unique and challenging emotionally. Life and death was part of normal clinical activities and shortly after my 22 birthday I graduated

I have been heard to joke that the TV Series Doogie Howser was modeled on me as that was some years later - he was also the original blogger.

My Story

Running Out of Time

Practicing medicine in the United Kingdom in the national health service which while delivering great care placed an enormous burden on the people delivering that care. The environment was challenging, especially for a young junior doctor and I found myself questioning what I'd let myself in for. My first clinical job I worked 132 hours per week, I had Tuesday and Thursday evening off. At the time, that was the norm and all of my colleagues had the same work schedule as I did and I noticed that my senior colleagues not only had that working schedule but also took on more clinical responsibility. My weekends were hellacious, waking up on Friday morning and not finishing until Monday evening. I shared the work with a colleague and friend by the name of Niamh Anson. We would share the on-call work and split the activities, with one of us covering wards and the other covering the emergency department admissions.

The constant and chronic sleep deprivation took its toll and I repeatedly questioned the job I was doing and indeed whether I was even safe. The nurses proved to be our saving grace and several occasions when we made mistakes through simple tiredness they caught these mistakes and quietly corrected or prevented our errors. I don't remember a single time of being on call when I wasn't up most of the night and typically at leas every hour. Rarely did this not require a visit to either the ward or the emergency department. Many the time, I would walk from my living quarters to the emergency department angry at the system that would place such a burden on anyone and wondering if there was something wrong with me.

On one particular day my two team members were not at the hospital. Niamh was on holiday, one which had been booked many weeks ago but as is normally the case medical staffing had failed as usual to find replacement. By two in the afternoon, the emergency department had 17 patients waiting to be seen by me, there was a patient in intensive care on a ventilator that was having problems, and the cardiac care unit had a patient that was having a lignocaine reaction. I reached breaking point and called medical staffing, and told them I was quitting. Their reaction, humorous in hindsight but at the time not, was to tell me that my contract did not allow for me to quit. Fortunately the ward sister from the cardiac care unit intervened and quietly called my two attending's. The next thing I knew I received a call from one of them asking me to meet him in the emergency department. I thought my career was over and proceeded down to meet him expecting to be blasted and read the riot act. I was pleasantly surprised to find my two consultants there stuck into seeing patients and helping me out. One of them admitted all of the patients in the ED department while the other dealt with the patient on the intensive care unit in the coronary care unit.

Between us we were able to triage and treat all the patients by the end of the afternoon. Even now as I think back to that story I still find myself quite emotional about the experience and support from two outstanding individuals. They rounded it out by insisting that we went to the local pub for a drink (non-alcholic of course) and listened to me and provided counsel and support.

Sadly they were not typical of the senior staff in the health system and most took the view that they had suffered this level of overwork and therefore everybody else should experience the same. This was a recurring theme throughout my time as a clinician and I found most disturbing and many times very depressing.

If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.
Confucius

I remember vividly one instance where the attending surgeon I was working for heard that I was taking a sabbatical and thinking about leaving medicine. He started by saying that I was terrible shame, and I thought he was about to offer some guidance/support and thoughts about where the system is wrong and how I might cope with it. Sadly he proved to be similar to many of his colleagues and peers and felt that the system was wrong in allowing me into medical school. The system should of been better at weeding me out since there was clearly something wrong with me not with the system. He like many of his peers believed the baptism by fire, sleep deprivation and the general demeaning of junior doctors was an essential part of training and character building. As he put it, he had experienced this in his junior doctor days and he'd survived and done fine. What he failed to appreciate was that at the time he was practicing as a junior doctor, emergency call was typically a Porter coming to his door knocking on his door to tell him that somebody was "going off" and leaving a cup of tea for him. He would dress himself, drink his tea and proceed to the ward, where the patient had either died or survived, but there was very little that he could do to influence the outcome. My experience consisted of being surgically attached to an emergency page that would bark out at me at all hours, telling me to go to a ward or location in the hospital for an emergency resuscitation the could take anywhere from five – 60 minutes.

There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires
Nelson Mandela

My friend and colleague Niamh Anson

had many of the same experiences and like several of my colleagues elected to move away from the system leaving the NHS for Australia, perhaps hoping that this system would be more bearable. Sadly some years later she committed suicide as too many of my colleagues and friends do.

So my Walking Gallery Jacket:

As Regina described the picture:

The sky represents the never ending shifts as does the hour glass. The medical students and doctors are all standing beside me, also exhausted. My friend and colleague Niamh Anson jumping off the hour glass due to stress....

In what can only be described as a "stroke of luck" the painting of my jacket was caught on Fox 5 News doing a piece on the Walking Gallery (right around 00:24 -> 00:50 and around 01:28):

DC News Weather Sports FOX 5 DC WTTG
Or if the vide does not appear you can click this link



My jacket coming at number 227 - I hope we get all of these together one day.

If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.
Dolly Parton

Like everyone else - I too have an oath to wear my jacket and use it as a tool to spread the word and effect change:

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path
Buddha

Junior Doctors Hours

The topic of hours and fatigue in medicine continues to rumble on with no real resolution in site. A couple of recent articles and news items highlighted the continuing challenges.

The Daily Mail reported the Coroners' comments and verdict in this piece (Coroner hits out at doctors' hours after patient dies) and Doctors.Net also featured the report: Junior Hours Blamed at Inquest (membership required)

An elderly man died in hospital after waiting five hours to see a doctor. After being told how Roland Holbrow died without seeing a doctor, a coroner yesterday criticized European rules that restricting junior medics' working hours.
Michael Rose described the European Working Time Directive....'Hospitals are running into problems,' he said. 'I can see the clear warning signs, although I am not going to refer this to Mr Lansley as I think he will already be aware of it.

There's no shortage of views from both sides of this discussion:

Those in favor of restricting hours

..I don't agree that anyone should work that amount of hours, its not safe, and it courses problems in the future.
..criticise the PCT for not employing enough Doctors.
..Hospitals at fault here for NOT recruiting sufficient staff to provide proper shift cover... instead, they've been reducing manning levels instead so as not to exceed the WTD hours limit
..At the end of the day though do we really want to be treated by a doctor who has been on duty for over 12 hours. Pilots and the like are restricted on hours worked for safety reasons so should we really be seeing a doctor who is dead on his/her feet and then expect them to make the correct diagnosis first time every time. I doubt if many hospital administrators have a clue what happens overnite in their hospital and how bad things are they will have left by 5 30 in any case

And those that think we need to return to longer hours so junior doctors get "more experience"

..Good to see such a courageous coroner and Clinical Director, both willing to speak unpopular truths. We must unshackle Juniors from the restrictions of the "New Deal", and EWTD, whilst maintaining a sensible work / not work life balance. Also we need a 24/7 365 days a year fully active acute sector i.e. more flexible working all round, and likely more doctors
..can some one explain to me why FY1's were taken off doing night shifts and regular weekends? It seems ridiculous that we have a national shortage of doctors yet a massively under used resource of Dr's needing exposure so as to mature into decision making
..A few facts about EWTD. 1. It was never intended for the professions. I know of no professional (or other successful person in other walks of life) who has worked ONLY 48hrs pw when 'on the way up' (or indeed having 'arrived'!)

Even some senior surgeons weighed in in a letter to the Telegraph suggesting limiting hours will have a significant adverse impact on patient care. In fact they have been arguing that junior doctors need to work more hours

The College and others have consistently argued that junior doctors need to work more than the 48 hours per week permitted by the European Working Time Directive in order to amass enough experience and learning to become safe and competent surgeons.

Interesting a study just out in the Journal of Amarican Medical Association: "Presenteeism Among Resident Physicians" and was featured in the NPR Shots Blog Doctors-In-Training May Give More Than Medical Care:

nearly 60 percent of respondents said they had worked while sick at least once and nearly a third reported having worked while sick more than once. At one "outlier" hospital not named in the study, 100 percent of the respondents reported having reported to work while sick.
A related problem, the survey found, is that busy medical residents (who are already known to not get enough sleep in the early years of post-medical school training, despite rules attempting to ensure they do) also reported not having enough time to see a doctor for their own medical care.

One thing is for sure - tired people are not giving their best. As one junior doctor put it

In the last 2 weeks I have worked 105 hours without a day off. This is my rota and includes no overtime. I would say my patient care was compromised at the end as was my love for the job. ....I have maximum 2 hours of teaching every other week as the wards are too busy to leave the rest of the time

Managing the hours and providing a good working environment is going to be essential. Technology will play a role in helping reduce work burdens and creating efficiencies but updating our training system must be included in the update to our health systems